The spouses reflect on the positive reasons when they first came together. The pause brings calm. Calm brings meaningful discussion. Mindfully remove the animosity of the moment and understand the issue under scrutiny. Stating the problem in isolation brings clarity to then be able to resolve it. Appreciate that at all times the children know what is going on at home and may not understand that they are not at fault. The kids know. They are watching and hearing and at a loss to understand what’s going on. Tell them in an age appropriate manner and that they are not blame. If you could see your conduct through your family’s eyes, would you change course? The days of silence. The false allegations. The late nights out. Take responsibility for your conduct and for your children’s sake and your relationship with them get back on track with help from a trained counsellor. Being entrenched in one position masks other opportunities and options for resolving differences. Why is this the one and only path for you? What information do you need to understand the benefits and possible negatives about that position? Test the waters and consider looking to change direction. There is a greater understanding of what you don’t yet know about your spouse’s circumstances. There may be news you haven’t heard yet. Or you weren’t attentive when it was revealed to you. The impact of that news may be joyful or traumatic. Are you open and available to hear it? Your choice of how you are going to resolve disputes will come with an emotional, financial, and family cost. Just how costly will depend on how open, willing, and forthcoming you want to be. There is a legal obligation to fully disclose all income, assets, debts and liabilities no matter which path you decide. Family law in Ontario is economic based: property division, child support, spousal support (if entitlement is proven). Trying to defeat your obligation through non-disclosure or illegal transfer will engulf even the children in unnecessary emotional turmoil. Teenagers should be heard and entitled to voice their thoughts in where they will be living, the careers they wish to pursue, and the activities in which they want to develop their skills. The future should be given greater attention than the events in the past. Rehashing old stories. Inflaming emotions keeps you stuck in the present where you do not want to remain. Step forward. Can a sincere apology move matters forward? Is there an act for which you owe an apology which once presented to the right person will unleash a sense of empathy or gratitude? For more information on these legal issues or to discuss other divorce questions you may have, please contact Lorisa Stein through the Book an Appointment button or the Contact page. You may also call her at 416-496-8081.