1. The darnedest habits get in the way Were the little idiosyncrasies the traits which attracted you in the first place? Can those now annoying and irritating peculiarities be handled in a non-confrontational way to refresh the relationship? 2. It’s a forest and trees problem: Friends and family may not be aware of what’s going on inside your home. Intergenerationally, values are different. Are the issues many and monumental or one irrational nagging problem and no one listening? 3. Have a real heart felt conversation. Bring a trusted mutual friend to the table. Maybe that conversation is with the collaborative lawyer, maybe the family lawyer and a family specialist, or maybe alone with a family counsellor. 4. Same old same old? Draft a list all the grievances held by both spouses. Then focus only on future solutions with no rehashing of old complaints. Here’s a few to start with: • If you are both retired, what occupies your time alone and time together? • If both are decision makers the family business, can schedules be arranged or task be separated to reduce contact from 24 / 7? • If there are surplus funds tied up, is it possible to untie some? Would separate vacations be an idea? • Would a regular housecleaner help relieve some of the cleaning chores? • Would separate bedrooms allow both spouses to get a good night’s sleep? 5. Could Reconciliation be a Possibility? Involve an impartial financial planner who knows about allocation of resources, better investment vehicles, business downsizing. Ask the question: is this life- long investment in each other be worth saving?